Favorites

My mother was one of 7 children and my father one of 5. Both grandparents had more grandchildren that most people would care to count. I recall all of us trying to figure out who was the "favorite". Growing up I remember being close to a certain Uncle and Aunt. I made the mistake one time of saying to my Uncle that he was my favorite. This was dealt with with a smile and a bit of a lecture. I remember him sitting beside and telling me he loved me very much and he was going to tell me something very important! He told me that when he was little he had asked his mother the same question and he was now going to tell me what my grandmother had said.

She told him that ,"God gave each of us an endless capacity to love, and to say one child was more special than any other would be like saying your feet were more important than your hands. That a mother loves all of her children in different ways- that to have a favorite would not only be unfair to the rest of the children but it would unfair to the one who was the "favorite" as well. " By making one person "the favorite" you were somehow saying the rest were somehow less. No one person should ever be raised to feel they were better than anyone else. And in that moment I did feel loved by my uncle -because I knew he cared-not just about me -but about the person I would become. In our family he said We Do NOT Have Favorites-we are a family which means everyone of us counts.

Just recently I have had time to think about what being a "favorite" means. I have had children ask me if they were my favorite class, my favorite school ect. So my grandmothers words through my uncle have taken on a deeper meaning. I have replied to those statements in kind. "I have been privileged to teach so many children and to say one was a favorite would say that the others were somehow less-and I could never do that! I will tell you that I enjoy your class and you do hold a special place in my heart- but asking me to pick a favorite would be like asking me if my hands were more important than my feet." What they were really asking was , "Are we important?" And of course they are-each and every one of them.

My Darling husband has always insisted that each of our children have the same number of gifts and the same amount of money spent on each child within five dollars. He wants them to know they are all equally loved. You can imagine with the age span between my children how this has been no small task. But just the other day I understood why he had instilled this practice. I listened to my daughter explain to her friend that having favorites was just not fair and that her parents had always made sure everything was equal!

The burden that is placed on the "Favorite classroom or child" cannot be dismissed. Parents and teachers who have favorites are kidding themselves if they think the rest of the children don't know who the favorite is. This breeds resentment-the rest of the children end up hating the "favorite" children ,and the "favorite" child is torn between basking in the adult adoration and being judged harshly by their peers. We have all seen this in family where there is a favorite child or grandchild. The child themelves might be quite delightful-but the special treatment they receive-sets them apart from the rest of the group. "Favorite" children grow up with entitlement issues, and their peers, or siblings often delight when the "favorite" falls from favor. So having favorites is not only unfair to the children not chosen, but also to the child "labeled" as the favorite.

If you only ever ate your "favorite" ice cream you would miss experiencing the sensory delights in so many other flavors. If you favor one child over another you are missing some incredible experiences you might have had with one of the others.

I realize life is not fair, and that it is impossible to always do and treat everyone the same. I do know that our example in Christ shows us that he loves all of us. So in our family-no favorites-love enough to go around for all!