Grandparents

I was so blessed to grow up with grandparents. I was made keenly aware of this fact because my own children were not so blessed. My mother died when Jamie was 10 and KayLee only 4. She never even knew Timmy. Tim's father lived in Alaska and died when I was pregnant for Timmy.. For 17 years we were not included in family gatherings with my husbands mother and siblings.  My kids had no grandparents to spoil them, cheer a little to loudly at Christmas programs, spend the night at their house, nor did they get to hear stories of the "olden days". They had no aunts or uncles who took interest in them. My siblings lived out of state, and Tim's brother's and sisters took no interest in our children. Yes I did try. I sent over clothes my children out grown to Tim's youngest sister, we tried setting up things with Tim's brother-but other than one time Timmy was invited out to fish-nada. This rejection had a greater impact on my children than either of us realized.

When you grow up knowing you are not the chosen grandchildren, it makes you question your own value. The few times my children were around their cousins they were keenly aware that they were not the favorites. Nothing was said-but when everyone else has Christmas gifts and you have none-you get the picture. The other lesson it taught my children is that when their is a disagreement-you don't work it out-you just cut those people out of your life. (For like 17 years)

 I am living with the results of those unintended lessons right now. My daughter is living in Montana and has not spoken to us since October. We did not approve of her living with someone without benefit of marriage, she had issues of being "yelled at" growing up and after a Psychology class, "learned" she was abused. Apparently getting yelled at to clean your room and do homework lowered her self esteem. Hurtful-heart wrenching. In my struggle to understand her behavior, counseling taught me that that actions of continued family rejection taught her that the acceptable way to deal with issues-was to avoid them. I pray some day she realizes how much we loved her and that we would have done anything to have given her loving grandparents, aunts, and uncles.  I yelled at her to clean her room out of pure frustration. She was loved, given ballet lessons, help in school, taken on trips, birthday parties, cars, college money.  She was loved and treasured. I pray someday she wil remember these things as well.